Friday, October 7, 2011

Confessions from This Nursing Mother (Revisited)

I planned to nurse my baby for a year; I don't think I am going to make it. My baby is 7 months old, she loves soilds and doesn't see to like even being latched on any more. I feel like my supply is down and she doesn't even care to stay on and help get my supply up. She nurses and then cries. I felt so bad that I offered her a bottle and voila! that's what she wanted. My poor hungry baby.
I am really depressed about all this. That I can't produce enough to satify her or not caloric enough. She still fits in most 3-6 months clothes since she is still like 14 lbs. She hasn't reached double her birth weight, which babies are supposed to reach by 6 months. Everyone comments on how tiny she is.
 I tried so hard to make it. I really struggled around 4 months and somehow survived on about 5 hours of interupted sleep as I tended to her hungry cries, hoping to get my supply up. I took Fenugreek, an herb that helps boost your supply. It worked for a little bit. But truly my breasts haven't felt really good a full for a few months. I use to wake up full but now I can go 12 hours between feedings and not feel much difference. I know that she gets feed and satisfied sometimes because I can hear her swallow and she is a very happy baby.
I am sure I have done something wrong like letting her have a pacifier and giving her a bottle at night. Yet many other moms do this and still nurse for a year or more. I feel guilty and angry and sad.  I don't understand why I could be a "strudy mountain women" and push her out drug free but not be able to nurse her for a year.  I put trust in my body to do it but now feel like I was forcing something that wasn't meant to be.  I tried so hard and now not to make it to a year, I feel like a failure.  What was the point of trying so hard just to come up short in the end anyway?
And now I have to buy formula....great.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Alicia, I was just reading your blog and wanted to comment. I know I don't have any personal experience since I don't have any kids, but I have been reading this blog and I just wondered if you might like to read it too. It is called Moosh in Indy. It s about a mom who struggled with secondary infertility and 6 years later she finally got pregnant again, and she talks about it- joys and negatives, one being that she wasn't able to breast feed. Anyway, I just thought I'd give you the link if you wanted to look at it. But I really don't think you need to feel like a failure, My mom was never able to breast feed me because by the time I was out of the hospital (2 weeks) her milk had dried up and I only weighed 4.13. but really, if you daughter is happy with solids and such, I would just go with it! I know that you are an awesome Mom! :) http://mooshinindy.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're a wonderful mother, anyone can tell by seeing you with your kids. I can't imagine how hard it would be to anxiously try so hard to nurse and not having it work as hoped...my heart really went out to you after reading this, thanks for sharing. <3

    ReplyDelete